Spirit of Philadelphia Holiday 2017 Leaderboard

Things No One Asked For: The Hydrasatch, A Satchel Bag That Holds Mixed Drinks

by Ryan Hudak on Jul 18, 2017 in Culture

There’s more good news out there for all those people who can’t possibly be without alcohol at their sides at all times—the HydraSatch is now available for all your outdoor activities.  Much like commercials for Valtrex will get you back out into the woods or on your kayak without your herpes flaring up, the HydraSatch will get you to all your outdoor activities without your pesky soberness getting in the way.

In the product’s promotional video, posted ahead of their Kickstarter going live, the HydraSatch comes off as an outdoorsy, yet fancy, way to always keep alcohol no more than three feet from your mouth.  Because, you see, this isn’t just to hold beer or wine like some kind of garbage person.  The HydraSatch is meant to hold your favorite cocktail—something you put time into, something that takes care to mix and complete.  And then you put it in a purse and wear it for a few hours.
 

The HydraSatch looks like the lamest satchel possible, which won’t do you any favors when you slam into a tree because you went hurtling down a mountain on your snowboard while drunk on a purse full of gin and tonic.  The video also hints that you could take it into a sporting event, with a shot of AT&T Park in San Francisco, followed by a sign that says “no alcohol beyond this point” and someone walking through unimpeded with their HydraSatch on.  Because security at a sporting event definitely won’t check your bag—especially one with a hose coming out of it.

As much fun as it might sound to get sauced on a hike in the middle of the woods or to try to see how much your 5K will benefit from booze, you should probably stick to drinking your alcohol from a glass or mug like a functioning adult member of society.  And if the thought of having to wait until you’re done with your walk around town to drink gives you the sweats, keep an eye out for their Kickstarter, and be sure to top off the drink in your hand right now.  It’s getting dangerously low.

Photo via HydraSatch on Facebook

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