The Eight Kindes of Drunkennes
Some people, when they drink too much, have a tendency to get sentimental. Others become extremely animated, talking to anyone and everyone within earshot. Then there’s the belligerent drunk – the kind that leads to bar brawls and basically the reason bouncers exist. Most of us are familiar with many of the different ways humans react to a high ethanol count.
Elizabethan denizens were also well aware of the myriad reactions people show after imbibing. In 1592, satirist Thomas Nashe produced and wrote a popular pamphlet – the 16th Century equivalent of a viral video, if you will – called Pierce Penilesse, in which he describes "the eight kindes of drunkennes."
As Shaun Usher (who runs the fantastic website Lists of Note) put it, “It seems that very little has changed.” Behold:
THE EIGHT KINDES OF DRUNKENNES
The first is ape drunke; and he leapes, and singes, and hollowes, and danceth for the heavens;
The second is lion drunke; and he flings the pots about the house, calls his hostesse whore, breakes the glasse windowes with his dagger, and is apt to quarrell with anie man that speaks to him;
The third is swine drunke; heavie, lumpish, and sleepie, and cries for a little more drinke, and a fewe more cloathes;
The fourth is sheepe drunk; wise in his conceipt, when he cannot bring foorth a right word;
The fifth is mawdlen drunke; when a fellowe will weepe for kindnes in the midst of ale, and kisse you, saying, "By God, captaine, I love thee. Goe thy wayes; thou dost not thinke so often of me as I doo thee; I would (if it pleased God) I could not love thee as well as I doo;" and then he puts his finger in his eye, and cryes;
The sixt is Martin drunke; when a man is drunke, and drinkes himselfe sober ere he stirre;
The seventh is goate drunke; when, in his drunkennes, he hath no minde but on lecherie;
The eighth is fox drunke--when he is craftie drunke, as manie of the Dutchmen bee, that will never bargaine but when they are drunke.
We know a few folks who fit in each category; do you?
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