The Shark Week Drinking Game
Shark Week is one of cable's television's longest-running annual programs — this marks year 27 for the series. Broadcast in more than 72 countries around the globe, the Discovery Channel's week-long parade of television programs devoted to the ferocious fish was originally developed to help the average person have greater respect for sharks. The 2014 edition begins August 10, to show our respect, we've developed a way to enjoy this ocean extravaganza even more.
Without further ado, we give you:
The Shark Week Drinking Game
Things you will need: Television, vacation days, Shark Bites Fruit Snacks (optional, but totally delicious), something to sit on or lean against and your favorite beer or drink. We’ll recommend something with a low ABV, to ensure you stay conscious through the scheduled programming.
1. Drink every time — and for the full duration of time — someone’s credentials are cited. If there’s one thing wildlife experts love more than speaking in foreign accents, it’s listing their qualifications. Use this to your advantage and take a sip every time a show displays on screen, or announces, the reason you should take the speaker seriously, at least about the subject at hand.
Note: This extends to everyone. Including John Doe, who lost his leg in ‘99 challenging a Great White to a game of water polo, as well as the professor who wrote the book The Dangers of Playing Water Polo With Sharks.
2. Drink every time someone says, "this species of shark is normally very peaceful."
3. Drink every time a different species of shark appears on-screen. Even though the Discovery Channel will use that completely awesome clip of the Great White defying gravity by jumping 10 feet into the air, there are many, many different types of sharks. Take a sip every time one of these awesome creatures blesses you with its presence.
4. Drink every time you think to yourself, "I hope this yuppie just gets mauled."
5. Drink every time shark attack odds are given. Though the odds of actually being attacked by a shark are low, the chance that the narrator or interviewee will tell you this fact every chance they get is extremely high.
Note: If you are brave, you can add to this by drinking every time a shark statistic is given. However, it is ill advised to do during programming dubbed “Shark Week.”
6. Drink every time some yuppie just gets mauled.
7. Drink every time a shark eats and/or attacks something — humans included. Let’s be honest, other than this drinking game, the reason to watch Shark Week is to see one wreak havoc on unsuspecting aquatic life or pesky swimmers. Indulge yourself in a drink each time this happens. This includes mauling of inanimate objects as well, such as boats, cages or fake seals.
8. Drink every time the host says something completely unfunny and you think to yourself, "I hope this yuppie just gets mauled."
9. Drink every time a shark’s dorsal fin protrudes from the water. Sharks are sneaky creatures, hovering just below the surface of the water to stalk victims. It's like they know the image of that tip of the fin is scary on its own.
10. Drink for the duration of each slow-motion clip. The marriage of slow-motion photography and sharks is the most important thing to happen to television since MacGyver. Whether it be slow-mo reenactments of attacks or the classic Great White hurling itself through the air, raise your glass in a continuous toast to the highlight reels of Shark Week.
11. Drink every time you see a shark. (This drinking game goes to eleven.)
Happy Shark Week!