Spirit Cruises January 2023 Leaderboard

Bud Light Drinkers Must Really Be 'Up for Whatever' to Grab One of These Bottles

by Ryan Hudak on Mar 17, 2015 in Beer
Bud Light Drinkers Must Really Be 'Up for Whatever' to Grab One of These Bottles

Dear Bud Light Drinkers: You are idiots.

Before you get upset, that’s not coming from me (though I’ve had my doubts), but straight from Budweiser. Since making fun of the craft beer segment that they are so desperately trying to buy their way into didn’t go over very well, Bud is falling back on their “Up for Whatever” garbage to try to be hip and cool and appeal to millennials. And they’re doing that with hilarious phrases telling you which whacky situations Bud Light is perfect for.

"Our fans will truly need to be 'Up for Whatever' when they're enjoying a Bud Light out on the town," said Alex Lambrecht, vice president of Bud Light. "We think they'll have fun doing the ideas printed on our bottles.” You will have SO MUCH fun! Dust off that Jock Jams CD, Bud Light drinker, and cue up “Get Ready for This,” because you truly better be up for whatever if you’re going to follow the Bud Light labels with such crazy notions as it being the perfect beer for “tuning up the old air guitar,” “taking off the blindfold and showing that piñata who’s boss” or “when you’re eating breakfast meats outside of breakfast hours.” WOAH! Slow down, Bud Light! My millennial 30-second attention span brain can only handle so much excitement, and you are juicing up all my party receptors to full blast!

The best saying so far, though, is that Bud Light is “the perfect beer for passionately toasting things you really don’t know much about.” You know, because you’re stupid. But I wonder what these things you don’t know about could possibly be. What millennials actually want in their advertising? How to make commercials that don’t directly offend breweries you just bought and want to work with? How to make good beer?

But why does AB-InBev think you’re idiots? Because they actually think this will work on you. They’re so profoundly misguided as to think anyone at all will give a shit about what is on these labels and, even worse, will actually try to perform any of the inane phrases on the bottle. Even Carol Phillips, president of the Brand Amplitude consulting firm that specializes in millennials, knows absolutely nothing about millennials. "While the big brands are still big, the little guys are cooler and hipper. So if you are a big brand, you've got to do the things that only big brands can do. A little brand can't do this.” She also said Bud Light "can't be a craft beer. So what can they do? They can leverage their scale to bring some experiences that you can't get from a craft beer."

Thank god. And thank you, Carol, for recognizing exactly what I want with my beer. Every time I sit down with a pretentious, $7 craft beer, I think, “this is delicious and all, but it’s lacking some kind of experience.” But not anymore, because I’ve found “the perfect beer for forming a one-person conga line.” All is right in the world once again.

Photo via Bud Light

 


Tags: Beer
Recent Articles
spacer

Feedback

How are we doing? Tell us what you like or don't like and how we can improve. We would love to hear your thoughts!

*Name:
*E-mail:
*Suggestions:
 
Rittenhouse Goes Car-Free Every Sunday in September: Here are the Best Bars to Hit

Rittenhouse Goes Car-Free Every Sunday in September: Here are the Best Bars to Hit

Center City District will close the streets allowing pedestrians to enjoy outdoor seating, music, and activiti...read more ›

by Michelle Cryder Sep 6, 2024
Best Cocktail Bars at the Jersey Shore

Best Cocktail Bars at the Jersey Shore

We've rounded up all of the must-stop spots for sipping spirits by the beach, whether your vibe is dark and sexy or vibrant and divey....read more ›

by Drink Philly Aug 26, 2024
SPONSORED
Drink Nation Store Rectangle
The Drink Nation Presents: The Home Bar Project

The Drink Nation Presents: The Home Bar Project

Have you ever dreamed of having an amazing home bar, filled with bottles you actually use and the tools you need to execute a fine crafted cocktail? E...read more ›

by The Drink Nation Nov 14, 2014
Behind the Bar: Jillian Moore of My Loup

Behind the Bar: Jillian Moore of My Loup

This time on Behind the Bar, we interview bartender and bar manager Jillian Moore of My Loup. We chat with her about her cocktail menu, the effects of...read more ›

by Drink Philly May 13, 2024
Oltremare: Inside Look at their Amalfi Coast Inspired Cocktails

Oltremare: Inside Look at their Amalfi Coast Inspired Cocktails

Oltremare is the newest endeavor by Chef Townsend Wentz, located at 2121 Walnut Street, near Rittenhouse Square...read more ›

by Drink Philly Apr 22, 2024
Best Bars for Outdoor Drinking in Philadelphia, 2024

Best Bars for Outdoor Drinking in Philadelphia, 2024

We've got your definitive list of where to drink outside in Philadelphia...read more ›

by Drink Philly Apr 9, 2024
Philadelphia Distilling Launching Secret Pop-Up Cocktail Garden for Earth Day, April 11-21

Philadelphia Distilling Launching Secret Pop-Up Cocktail Garden for Earth Day, April 11-21

Philadelphia Distilling is transforming their fourth floor space into a secret garden to celebrate Earth Day, ...read more ›

by Drink Philly Apr 9, 2024
Dizengoff: Inside Look at the New Reimagined Restaurant, Bar, & Cocktails

Dizengoff: Inside Look at the New Reimagined Restaurant, Bar, & Cocktails

Last year, Dizengoff and Abe Fisher decided to join forces and embark on an exciting new chapter. After closin...read more ›

by Drink Philly Mar 5, 2024
Behind the Bar: Tom Foy of Butcher Bar

Behind the Bar: Tom Foy of Butcher Bar

In this installment of Behind the Bar, we sit down with bartender Tom Foy of Butcher Bar...read more ›

by Drink Philly Feb 19, 2024
SPONSORED
Drink Nation Home Bar Project Bottom Rectangle 2
View all Articles

Sign up to get weekly drinking news, bar reviews, events and more sent directly to your inbox!

Close