Lately, there has been a lot of buzz around Not Your Father’s Root Beer—the “hard” root beer from Small Town Brewery. Now that this alcoholic root beer is popular, the macros have done what they always do—not only jump in the trend, but jump with so much force that they completely miss the mark. And this results in Henry’s Hard Orange Soda, care of the geniuses at MillerCoors.
 

We just got through defending the company in their defense against a frivolous lawsuit, and then they go and do this. And they’re going to do much more! Their line is starting with hard ginger ale and hard orange soda—two things that everyone has been dying to get their hands on—and will be moving on from there. “Everything we see leads us to believe this is not a flash in the pan,” said Bryan Ferschinger, MillerCoors’ director of innovation.

I’m not sure what he’s seeing, but it can’t be coming from the taste buds of rational people. But, as the fact that Bud’s Fruit-A-Rita line is still going strong, there are plenty of irrational people who love cloying sweetness in their pseudo alcoholic beverages, so the sodas may actually be quite a hit. Whether they stick around or are just a gimmick that flies high before it burns its wings remains to be seen—and there are plenty of these kinds of drinks showing that they get old fast. Mike’s Hard Lemonade, anyone? Or maybe you’d prefer a Zima?

Once again, though, the macrobrewery misses the most obvious solution to their market share problems, and it’s not going to come from a “director of innovation,” because the answer to their questions is not innovation. It’s simply making a beer that isn’t shitty. So, MillerCoors, make a beer that doesn’t suck and see how that improves your sales. I bet it does a lot better than a 4.2% ABV Orange Crush.

 

Photo via Flickr user basheertome