Studies show that Beer is currently the third most consumed beverage on the planet, losing out to first and second place, water and tea. Third? We can do better than that, Earth. While it may not seem to be a big deal now, with the polar ice caps melting, there will be an unprecedented influx of water coming at a level that beer just cannot compete with. You see, back in the day it was socially acceptable for people to consume beer, at lets say, lunchtime, or even in the morning. Drinking beer was considered to be a sign of good vitality, probably because people would get sick from water…and we’re not talking “stayed out too late drinking” sick, this is like 8 weeks in a hospital sick.  Yet another reason to NOT drink water! 

Ok, ok, water can be excused, as beers existence is dependent upon water. As humorist Dave Barry once wrote, “Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer”. Which leaves us with tea.

How could beer possibly lose to something like tea? I did some research to find that Ireland, who not only consumes the third most per capita of tea, also consumes the second most per capita in beer! Where does America rank on this list of our favorite libation consumption? Thirteenth. How can this be? Surely since America doesn’t even register anywhere near the top of the charts in tea, we’d be consuming more beer, right? Do the bladder’s of the Irish emanate from Krypton, are they made of Adamantium, or something else really cool that we haven’t even heard of?

Does this mean Americans are less thirsty than our European counterparts? Two hundred years ago when our founding fathers fought for things like freedom, escape from religious oppression, and the right to drink beer whenever we want, we would have never stood for this. With a lower drinking age and access to beer in franchise fast food restaurants in many other countries, it’s hard for America to keep up. But American pride aside, (I know, it’s hard) who is fighting the hardest for our beloved Beer? Who tests their superhuman bladders and livers alike to get beer to number one for the good of mankind? According to a 2004 research from Kirin Holdings: the Czech Republic with 156.9 liters yearly on average per person.

What does this mean? Placing nowhere on this list are the two most populous nations in the entire world, India and China, they aren’t pulling their weight. With collectively more than 2.4 billion people, if they drank even just a few more beers a year, or a few less cups of tea, beer could pull ahead. Mankind can unite finally with a common goal, putting our differences aside. We can join in unison and let our hops ridden voice be heard, we can get beer to number one. 

I guess America will have to put in the extra effort for them.  What are you waiting for? Go get started.

09.30.10