Shark Week 2011 Drinking Game
The Discovery Channel’s 2011 shark week is hosted by “Chief Shark Officer” Andy Samberg. Who, when not hanging out on boats with T-Pain or making digital shorts with his comedy group Lonely Island, can be seen every week as one of Saturday Night Live’s more tenured cast members.
Shark Week is cable’s longest running event, entering its 24th year of production. Here at Drink Philly we also believe in tradition. So, without further ado, we give you:
The Second Annual Shark Week Drinking Game
Things you will need: Television, vacation days, Shark Bites Fruit Snacks (optional, but totally delicious), something to sit on or lean against and your favorite beer or drink. We’ll recommend something with a low ABV, to ensure you stay conscious through the scheduled programming.
1. Drink every time - and for the full duration of time - when someone’s credentials are cited. If there’s one thing wildlife experts love more than speaking in foreign accents, it’s listing their qualifications. Use this to your advantage and take a sip every time a show displays on screen, or announces, someone’s credibility to be talking about the subject at hand.
Note: This extends to everyone. Including John Doe who: Lost his leg in ‘99 challenging a Great White to a game of water polo, and the professor who Wrote the book: The Dangers of Playing Water Polo with Sharks.
2. Drink every time someone says, "this species of shark is normally very peaceful."
3. Drink every time a different species of shark appears on-screen. Even though the Discovery Channel will use that completely awesome clip of the Great White defying gravity by jumping 10 feet into the air, there are many, many different types of sharks. Take a sip every time one of these awesome creatures blesses you with its presence.
4. Drink every time you think to yourself, "I hope this yuppie just gets mauled."
5. Drink every time shark attack odds are given. Though the odds of actually being attacked by a shark are low, the chance that the narrator or interviewee will tell you this fact every chance they get is almost a certainty.
Note: If you are brave, you can add to this by drinking every time a shark statistic is given. Though, it is ill advised to do during a program called “Shark Week”.
6. Drink every time some yuppie just gets mauled.
7. Drink every time a shark eats and/or attacks something - humans included. Let’s be honest, other than this drinking game, most people’s reason for watching Shark Week is to see one ruin the day of unsuspecting aquatic life and pesky swimmers. Indulge yourself in a drink each time this happens. This includes inanimate objects as well, such as: boats, cages or fake seals.
8. Drink every time host Andy Samberg says something completely unfunny and you think to yourself, "I hope this yuppie just gets mauled."
9. Drink every time a shark’s dorsal fin protrudes from the water. Sharks are treacherous and deceitful creatures, as is evidenced by the classic image of a shark hovering just below the surface of the water, presumably stalking it’s next victim.
10. Drink for the duration of each slow-motion clip. The marriage of slow-motion photography and sharks is the most important thing to happen to television since MacGyver. Whether it be slow-mo reenactments or the classic Great White hurling itself through the air, raise your glass in a continuous toast to the highlight reels of Shark Week.
11. Drink every time you see a shark. (this drinking game goes to eleven)
Happy Shark Week!
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