Spirit Cruises January 2023 Leaderboard

Top 20 'Guy Walks Into a Bar' Jokes of All Time

by The Drink Nation on Mar 31, 2016 in Culture

We’ve all heard our fair share of bar jokes. Some of them warrant a chuckle, some a groan, but we’ve come across a few that actually make us laugh. Below you’ll find 20 great takes on the classic “A guy walks into a bar…” joke.

1. Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

2. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair. 

3. A guy walks into a bar carrying jumper cables. The bartender says, "Hey pal, don't start anything in here." 

4. So a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse has crippling depression, alcoholism is his only escape. 

5. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a pint and a mop."

6. Helium walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve Noble Gases here." He doesn't react. 

7. A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You have a drink called Freddy?"

8. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H2O." The second chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H20 too." The second chemist dies.

9. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H20." The second chemist says, "I'll take a water too." The first chemist breaks down in tears. His assassination attempt failed.

10. A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks, "Dry?" The German replies, "Nein, just one."

11. George R. R. Martin, Joss Whedon, and Steven Moffat walk into a bar, and everyone you've ever loved dies.

12. The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

13. So a five dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey. This is a singles bar." 

14. A snake slithers into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here." "Why not?" asks the snake. "You can't hold your liquor."

15. A Roman walks into a bar, hold up two fingers, and says, "Five beers please."

16. A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into the bar. The bartender says, “What is this, a joke?”

17. So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

18. A Roman walks into a bar and says, "One martinus please." The bartender replies, "Don't you mean martini?" The Roman says, "If I wanted more than one, I would have asked."

19.Three fonts walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "We don't serve your type in here." 

20. A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?"

Do you have a better 'Guy walks into a bar' joke? Let us hear it on Facebook or Twitter.

Recent Articles
spacer

Feedback

How are we doing? Tell us what you like or don't like and how we can improve. We would love to hear your thoughts!

*Name:
*E-mail:
*Suggestions:
 
The 12th Annual Philly Bierfest Celebrates the Rich History of Brewing German-Style Beers in Pennsylvania, February 22

The 12th Annual Philly Bierfest Celebrates the Rich History of Brewing German-Style Beers in Pennsylvania, February 22

The German Society of Philadelphia's 12 Annual Bierfest returns February 22 with a selection of over 50 German...read more ›

by Michelle Cryder Feb 18, 2025
Behind the Bar: Solomon Thomas - Ambassador, Bartender, & Industry Community Advocate

Behind the Bar: Solomon Thomas - Ambassador, Bartender, & Industry Community Advocate

In this segment of Behind the Bar, we get a chance to speak with bartender and industry community advocate, So...read more ›

by Drink Philly Feb 4, 2025
The Drink Nation Presents: The Home Bar Project

The Drink Nation Presents: The Home Bar Project

Have you ever dreamed of having an amazing home bar, filled with bottles you actually use and the tools you need to execute a fine crafted cocktail? E...read more ›

by The Drink Nation Nov 14, 2014
SPONSORED
Spirit Cruises January 2023 Desktop Bottom Rectangle 1
Best Oktoberfests, Festivals, Block Parties & Halloween Events to Celebrate Fall in Philly

Best Oktoberfests, Festivals, Block Parties & Halloween Events to Celebrate Fall in Philly

Crisp weather and shorter days bring a variety of autumn events to Philadelphia. From yacht parties to haunted...read more ›

by Drink Philly Sep 15, 2024
Local Winery Spotlight: Vox Vineti Wines

Local Winery Spotlight: Vox Vineti Wines

Ed Lazzerini says his goal is clear - to make world class wine in Pennsylvania. From the taste of it, he is well on his way. ...read more ›

by Drink Philly Nov 21, 2020
Bar Palmina: Inside Look at Fishtown's Newest No-Alcohol Bar

Bar Palmina: Inside Look at Fishtown's Newest No-Alcohol Bar

One of the hottest new cocktail spots to hit the Fishtown neighborhood serves cocktails with no alcohol at all...read more ›

by Drink Philly Sep 11, 2024
Rittenhouse Goes Car-Free Every Sunday in September: Here are the Best Bars to Hit

Rittenhouse Goes Car-Free Every Sunday in September: Here are the Best Bars to Hit

Center City District will close the streets allowing pedestrians to enjoy outdoor seating, music, and activiti...read more ›

by Michelle Cryder Sep 6, 2024
Best Cocktail Bars at the Jersey Shore

Best Cocktail Bars at the Jersey Shore

We've rounded up all of the must-stop spots for sipping spirits by the beach, whether your vibe is dark and sexy or vibrant and divey....read more ›

by Drink Philly Aug 26, 2024
Behind the Bar: Jillian Moore of My Loup

Behind the Bar: Jillian Moore of My Loup

This time on Behind the Bar, we interview bartender and bar manager Jillian Moore of My Loup. We chat with her about her cocktail menu, the effects of...read more ›

by Drink Philly May 13, 2024
Oltremare: Inside Look at their Amalfi Coast Inspired Cocktails

Oltremare: Inside Look at their Amalfi Coast Inspired Cocktails

Oltremare is the newest endeavor by Chef Townsend Wentz, located at 2121 Walnut Street, near Rittenhouse Square...read more ›

by Drink Philly Apr 22, 2024
SPONSORED
Drink Nation Home Bar Project Bottom Rectangle 2
View all Articles

Sign up to get weekly drinking news, bar reviews, events and more sent directly to your inbox!

Close