From the inventors of cloned sheep and golf comes another absolutely brilliant breakthrough for mankind.  Researchers at Edinburgh Napier University in Scotland have created a bio-fuel using the byproducts left over from the distillation of Scotch Whisky (Note that Scotch Whisky has no “e”).  Apparently by using the “pot ale” and “draff” (words we assume are made up), some type of mystical spirit is made to power an ordinary car with no alterations to the engine.

The introduction of Scotland’s distilleries into the biofuel market begs the question of how the fuel will be priced and if it will be stratified in the same manner as their Whisky.  Will blended “whiskenol” be more affordable than single malt?  Perhaps the odor given off by the combustion will tell the discerning pedestrian whether a driver uses Lagavulin 18 year or settles for Cutty Sark.  Will this stratification be yet another reason for our mechanics to guilt us for not serving our cars an adequate spirit much like my grandfather scoff’s at anything short of Macallan 12?

Another issue that must be addressed before “whiskenol” goes into production is the terrible, terrible, terrible headaches our vehicles will experience every morning.  As an avid single malt fan, I can attest that it is not a spirit you want to go overboard on.  Tinted windows will be necessary, along with restrictions on stereo volumes.  There is also the potential damage that will be done to the fuel filter.  In order to prevent the need for dialysis, I’d recommend flushing the tank with water between each fueling.

Above all, it is absolutely fantastic that the Scottish have found a new bio fuel, unless this somehow increases the price of whisky.  That would be terrible.